Thursday, January 17, 2013

Another Lesson in Faithfulness

When I was younger I learned an invaluable lesson of the Lord's faithfulness.  While my family struggled through a very painful and ugly divorce, I was flung from all I knew; geographically, socially, and emotionally.  I reached out, but no one was there for me.  I felt abandoned by the world--including my parents--forsaken by all.  At that time we were all reeling and I think my parents were just trying to keep their heads above the water.  But in those cold, dark times, I felt the presence and surety of the love of the Lord like I never had before.  Although I was broken inside, I knew He was there, that He heard me, that He cared.  He comforted me.

"When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." Psalm 27:10

He showed me that He is a rock--a constant--that never changes.  Through out all of life's storms and raging weather, He alone never changes, He is a sure foundation.  At 14 years old, I knew this.   I had been learning it all my life up till then, but at 14 I knew this to be true through my personal experience.  I had lived and experienced God's amazing faithfulness to me.

"For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.  Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.  When You said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, Lord, I will seek,'" Psalm 27:5-8

And He did hide me.  And I did offer sacrifices of praise. And I did seek His face.  And He was found by me.  Many, many, many a day and night I poured out my heart to the Lord.  My parents, or course, still loved me even if they couldn't give me the kind of home they had before and my mom moved heaven and earth to hoist a baby grand piano into my 2nd story bedroom where I played and sang endlessly to the Lord about all that was on my heart.  It was a sweet time of having no one but Jesus to talk to and seeing Him answer me.  I will never forget the nearness of the Lord during that horrible time of my life.  It is a milestone for me.  A marker of remembrance. Whenever I feel weird or doubtful, I look back and remember the realness of that help I received from the Lord and my faith is renewed.  My love for the Lord stirs within me.

Now I am 28 (almost 29!) years old and those cold, dark, and wretched times are far behind me.  But here I am again being taught about God's faithfulness.  And I do not want to shrink from it, because I want to know Him.  I want to see Him proved faithful to me again, to experience Him in a new way. His faithfulness never falters.  The canvas on which his faithfulness is displayed is different than it was all those years ago, but the lesson is the same. The heartbreak for me this time is due to the fact that we live in a transient town which means that most of the beautiful relationships the Lord has brought into my life are extremely temporary.  As I realize that all the people that I love around me are not mine to keep, it makes my spirit writhe and twist within me.  I panic and want to grasp them tightly like sand I know will just slip away and I realize: He is faithful.  He is my friend.  His faithfulness is from everlasting to everlasting.  I can trust Him with my heart that is being given to so many people that I cannot keep.  I need to cling to Him for my very life and I realize all of a sudden and with that same clarity I received at 14 years old: He is a rock--a constant--that never changes.  Through out all of life's storms and raging weather, He alone never changes, He is a sure foundation.  He is my hope.  He will never fail me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.

And thus, I thank Him and praise Him for the difficulty of living in a place where people are always coming and going and never settling.  I praise Him for my broken heart over losing ones I love, because it teaches me to rely more and more on His faithfulness.  It keeps me seeing my need for Him.  For life.


Ingrid said...

That was absolutely beautiful. I just wish I'd had your faith when my parents got divorced. I probably wouldn't have rebelled as much. I love you, friend, and I love your heart.
P.S. I completely relate... Pullman is that way too. 20,000 college students in a town of 30,000 can do that!

Corynne Escalante said...

Thank you, Ingrid. That faith at that time was totally a gift of grace from the Lord. He had graciously done that in my heart just a few months before my life exploded. I love you, friend. Thanks for the encouragement. I will be praying the same things for you that I pray for me. xoxox