Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Freaking Out

We're getting a little honest here, today, at crynfiction: a little "nonfiction-y" if you will...

I've been battling, lately, in my mind between what I know about God's faithfulness--from both His Word and from personal experience--and looking at the seemingly impossible circumstances around me.  Actually, now that I think about it, I feel a little bit like the apostle Peter, who trusting in Jesus stepped outside of the safety of the boat and walked on the water toward Him, but then taking His eyes off of Jesus, he saw the wind and the waves around him and became afraid and started to sink.  There is no point in asking "why do we keep doing this?" because, we will always have a choice to either trust in the Lord or to lean upon what we understand.  Doubts will always arrive.  It is inevitable, both because we are imperfect people and as I Peter 5:8 says, "[...]because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom be may devour."  The more profitable question then to ask is, "What does God's word say?"  This is the word that I have been meditating on during this time of uncertainty and transition.  This time of blind obedience when I don't know how the thing being asked of me can be accomplished.  I have posted this Scripture before, but it can never grow old or ineffective.

"Oh LORD, You have searched me
and known me,
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them,
They would e more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You."
{Psalm 139:1-18}

This is truth.  He is truth.  I rest in Him.  Over and over again, I put my trust in Him and rest. (Then I get up and freak out, so I have to go back and rest in Him again.  Over and over.) And that, my friends, is life.  Eh?

Thank you for reading and reminding me of the things I have written already of God's faithfulness in seemingly impossible situations in my life before!  You encourage me!  Thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Happy Birthday to Elliott

Elliott, you turned six. I don't know why time keeps going on and on with out stopping: you are so grown up, now.  You're six years old with the world on your shoulders.  You're kind, compassionate, sensitive, nurturing, crazy, funny, and wild.  You think about life and death, God and love, right and wrong. You are conscientious and no new piece of information is taken lightly.  You learned about the greenhouse effect and want to stop buying gasoline.  You learned that the earth's resources are being depleted and you are deeply concerned.  You like your way, but hate to disappoint others when it differs from theirs.  You love people and relationships and spending time together.  You love to wear pajamas. You love to fight and wrestle.  You love to cuddle.  You love to make people laugh.  You love to be loved and surprise me with kisses.  You love that your Daddy loves your Mommy and you love it when people get married.  You cannot wait to be a husband and a dad and you tell me that you will probably let me watch your children sometimes.  You and little sister, Caiden, talk about your future children and what you might name them.  You want others to know Jesus and you wish to please Him.  You are excited to move to Berkeley and help plant a church there so others might know Jesus. 

You, Elliott, are a giver.  I took you to Target today and you prepared by getting all your change together so that you could "buy Caiden a treat or something if she wants one." You bought her a DVD, a coloring book, and some Tic Tacs.  You would have bought her a lot more, too, if I had allowed it. You used the giftcard you got for your birthday, sweet boy.

You love to make people cards and books and give them presents and you have stopped asking for spelling help and just spell it how it sounds.  Its so cute because you spell it the way you wrongly pronounce it; like today when you wrote, "Dear Heder, haf a grat tim. we luf yi." ("Dear Heather, have a great time. We love you.")

Elliott, you are the best!  You are my cuddly wuggly little Elliott man.  I am so thankful for you.  Happy 6th birthday, dude!  I am one lucky mama to have a son like you... I adore you.

Your crazy mama.