Thursday, March 4, 2010

Kitchen Mishap

Usually on crynfiction, you might find my victories, a clever anecdote (actually, I just like saying that word), cute stories, successful recipes, etc., ect., mostly good things, so I thought I ought to throw a few of my disasters and mishaps into the mix just to keep things fresh and to insure that we're all on the same page about the fact that I am not in any way, nor is my life in any way, nor are my skills in any way perfect.  Just in case.  Plus, I have a funny story to tell.

This isn't the funny story... This is just a picture of Caiden eating blue sprinkles.  I added it for visual interest.  Absolutely no bearing on the conversation at hand...

So, you know I really like to bake, yes?  Well, the other day I thought I would make some blueberry muffins for the kids, but some muffins that were kind of "healthy" and not overly sugary and "empty."  Now, when I want advice on a healthy version of a baked good, I usually visit Heidi's blog, 101 Cookbooks.  She has great recipes and a lot of experience with that sort of thing.  So I thought I would riff off of her Maple Huckleberry Coffee Cake Recipe... except I didn't have huckleberries, or maple syrup, or fine grain sea salt, or rosemary, or buttermilk, or enough whole wheat pastry flour, or (and I didn't know this at the time) butter, or lemon zest!  I know what you are thinking.  You're thinking its already a disaster and why didn't I know this from the start.  Well, sassyfrass, I thought I knew what I was doing, but apparently I did not.  I definitely did not!  I most likely should have used the handy dandy book, Ratio, to look up the ratio for muffins, and then play around with it that way, but I was too lazy and a little bit of a smarty pants. (That is a great...dare I say, revolutionary book for the home cook, by the way)

Not that you would ever need a recipe for disaster, but this is what I did with Heidi's wonderful recipe... Just in case you want to know.  I substituted whole wheat flour for part of the pastry flour, and yogurt instead of the butter in the batter, yogurt instead of buttermilk and honey instead of maple syrup, omitted the zest, thyme instead of thyme and rosemary (which didn't seem like a good idea even if I had the ingredients), regular salt instead of sea salt, and finally, blueberries in lieu of huckleberries. And I made it into muffins instead of a loaf/cake.  This all seemed like it would work fine, at the time... But then to top it all off, when I went to make the crumble part, I found that I didn't have any butter for that so I threw in a few tablespoons of peanut butter.  I know!  Disgusting.  Trust me, it smelled even worse that it sounds. 

The muffins baked and came out tasting worse than they smelled.  And they weren't even just disgusting, but adding insult upon injury, they almost tasted... tasted... dare I tell you?  They almost tasted rancid.  I'm not kidding, I threw the entire batch into the garbage.

This was a new kitchen low.  But, thankfully, it wasn't too devastating.  Mostly, it was just funny how completely terrible they turned out.  The level of awfulness was so high, that it could only be funny.  And I immediately thought of you.  I knew I had to tell you. I just wish you could have experienced how truly awful and inedible these babies were. I am not being modest here.

Now, after shattering any ideas you may have previously had of "Corynne, kitchen goddess," I feel like I should leave you with something good to think about.

Best cookie recipe of ALL TIME.  The trick seems to be a number of things, but a huge factor being to make the dough at least 24 hours in advance to allow all the ingredients to really meld together.  I'm not kidding.  This recipe is killer.  I'm usually impatient, so I'll bake a few the first night and then put the rest in the fridge for a day or two and wait for the real goodness to emerge.

Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe Ever

Good luck with the rest of your week!  Only two more days...

P.S.  Apparently you have to sign up at to view the recipe.  Its free, but I know its a hassle.  Trust me, though, this recipe is worth it.  Happy baking!

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